Emerald Fantasy

Sunday, December 2, 2007

In need of some advice

I just keep asking myself all the time, have i ever really changed for the better? Have i really learnt my lessons from previous bad experiences? Do i really have the heart to change to become a better man?

Just what do i live for? To get hated by everyone because i really don't want to do anything about myself? Certain things i just don't understand...

Nowadays, i'm really getting more and more worried. I just find my own life great, seriously, it's just more than good. I ought to love the kind of life i'm living now, and not complain about anything else now, coz i've got so much. And yes, i don't find any more reason to complain, there's nothing around me that's disappointing me.

Question is, why am i still like that? Why am i still feeling troubled over certain things, or so it seems? I tend to be quite happy and satisfied with how things are right now, but as just a little bit of unwanted things come, i start to blow up real bad. Just what the fuck is happening, that's what i really want to know.

I tend to get very easily annoyed for very small matters, and once i do, i can really almost lose control of myself from becoming too pissed off. These small matters are probably something like, getting into a totally unwanted argument with some fucking unreasonable bitch or something. Even so, an average person would definitely be unhappy, but won't end up like me. I used to deal with these kind of shit calmly with reason, and i stand by justice and reason. But for now, this unwanted mental rage just causes me to lose my sense of reasoning, and i end up becoming as unreasonable as the bitch who got me into that fucking argument. As if that isn't enough, i start to let my rage fly about, and i would end up almost breaking something or at least damaging something(Probably due to the disappointment that i'm getting myself into very bad conditions?).

I don't want to be like this. If this were to go on, things may just get worse. I may end up feeling like fucking the whole world hard upside down probably just because a stupid little fly tries to annoy me by flying around my face. I may end up having unwanted depression(touchwood, i definitely don't want that to happen). Should i go consult a psychiatrist or a professional counsellor?

6:06 AM ♥